Posse Incitatus

Zombies overrun National Review

Over at The Corner, Jonah Goldberg is displaying his usual willingness to go where his colleagues won't - in this case, discussing the lurking zombie peril.

The Posse of course has been way out in front of this issue and our post on shooting zombies still gets new comments now and again.

I've read the Zombie Survival Guide, and to be honest, it sucks.  The first few pages are funny and well-written, but most of the advice is pretty lousy.

He's wrong about how AR-15s work, his concept of not using machineguns or grenades defies any sort of logic, and for the life of me I can't understand how, if the shambling undead are too stupid to put up a ladder or ramp, they are going to know enough to climb an anchor chain just 'cause it's there.

Let's face it, zombies are a pretty easy peril to overcome.  One thing we are very good at killing is people.  I stand by my assertion that using a .22 to plink away at this things from the rooftop is probably the most efficient and entertaining method to take them down, but there are alternatives.

Zombies are made of flesh and bone - they are not merely animate skeletons ala Army of Darkness or some such.  That means if you shred muscle and bone, they aren't going to work as well.  If the spine is severed, the legs won't work.  Of course, we all know that the zombie will still come after you, but paraplegic zombies aren't nearly as scary.

This is particularly the case if they are the hyperfast zombies of 28 Days Later.  Tearing their legs off with Claymore mines or the equivalent would go a long way to restoring them to inanimate condition.  Besides, those freaks aren't necessarily zombies, so it should be possible to simply ventilate them like a normal human.

In any event, Goldberg is right on track when he ridicules the "superior planning ability" of gamers.  I've been gaming since elementary school and almost without exception, most post-apocalyptic planning from these folks boils down to looting the local Wal-Mart, which is of course, a stupid idea.

Hurricane Katrina was a full dress rehearsal of what a zombie outbreak would look like.  While much of the press coverage hyped the helplessness and anarchy, a few reporters found that the more intrepid residents found ways to survive - by forming tribes:

“Some people became animals,” Vasilioas Tryphonas said Sunday morning as he sipped a hot beer in Johnny White’s Sports Bar on Bourbon Street. “We became more civilized.”

Exactly.  When barbarians are at the gate and civilization wavers, the brave ones who will save it are the ones who stand fast, not those who head for the hills until things blow over.

The problem with zombies

This week Sithkitten and I saw Zombieland, which was quite amusing.  If you like zombie movies - and all the over-the-top gross stuff that they embody - this is your movie.

But it does highlight one of the genre's big problems - how the damn disease spreads so quickly.

Like other zombie films, the disease is carried by the bite.  All well and good, and it has that nice "best friend/lover/spouse/kid inevitably goes bad after a bit" vibe going on.  You know, "Kill me now, before it takes over."

And they never do, and then you get the horrifying transformation, etc.

But think about it: if the zombie bites a victim once, it will probably bite again and again until the only thing that can animate is a pile of body parts.  Far from spreading easily, the zombie virus should be very hard to spread - the only ones who get are the ones who almost get caught.  Basically the walking wounded.

Some other, better vector is required.

Just saying.

First thing we do, we knock over Wal-Mart

The signs of impending doom are everywhere. Swine Flu in Mexico. ChiComs fleeing dollars and buying gold. And of course, the undead could spring up at any time.

Yet people still are acting as if the proper response to disaster is to loot. How many times has one heard this kind of plan:

“First thing we do, we go to Wal-Mart and rob the place. They have food, camping gear, guns and ammunition.”

Great idea. Like no one else will do the same thing.

As we saw with Hurricane Katrina, even the police joined in the fun. Gee, they have badges and are already well armed. Either they will stop the looting (because it is their job) or they will join in, in which case you still won’t get anything.

And then of course there’s the ammo shortage.

For those that aren’t aware, right now there is an ammunition shortage. If you want 9mm, .38 Special or .45 ACP (to name but a few) and you live in Lansing, you are out of luck. Wal-Mart doesn’t have any. Dunhams is out. Meijer is out. Classic Arms has some (expensive) stuff, but their limit is one box per customer per day. And, given their considerable firepower, I wouldn’t recommend trying to rob them, either.

So even if you are the first looter through the door (and you don’t get shot), you’re not going to get anything for your trouble.

No, the proper thing to do is have some on hand. The ammo shortage is expected to wind down as the hoarders get sated and the ammo producers add extra shifts.

When that happens, buy an extra box or two and set it aside. Do this each time you go shopping and in no time, you will have a healthy reserve.

Which brings us to the larger point about disasters: The worst thing that can happen is for society to come apart. Humans are social animals. We need each other to survive. Civilization is fragile, but also reparable. It can take huge disruptions and recover. In the event of a pandemic or zombie outbreak, the goal should be to keep as much of civilization intact as possible and one of the cornerstones of that order is respect for each other’s property.

Looting and hoarding will only speed the total collapse. Instead of knocking over Wal-Mart, you should be defending it – it and other stores with needed food and supplies. Help such civil authorities as are still functioning to distribute and protect these supplies. If there are no authorities, form one with your neighbors. The communities that did best during Katrina were the ones whose members banded together and offered mutual support.

The time to prepare for a disaster is when things are going well. By the time it crosses your mind that raiding the local big box retailer is a good idea, things have already slipped too far for it to do you much good.